I LOVE Boobs

20 Oct

Here’s the deal: boobs are awesome.

Anyone who knows me well enough will attest to me finding them wonderful, lovely, and fascinating. Sure, they may have a practical use you may or may not employ them for, but the rest of your life they’re just little bags of fun. Or in my case, big bags of fun. What can I say, I’m a boob enthusiast. Boobs were always a big part of my life, but on July 21st they became even more important to me. Why? Because when I got in the shower that night I felt a lump on one of them. I was very lucky. My oldest friend is a med student and his dad is a doctor as well. They helped calm me down. They referred me to a great breast center. My boobs were thoroughly examined, sonogrammed, and ultimately biopsied over a couple of days. Ultimately it ended up being a benign cyst and I walked away with relief and the knowledge that it may happen again if I ever treat them roughly (no way Jose), or smoke (not in a million years). My love of breasts renewed, I saw them with new eyes. My boobs are awesome. The small scar in one of them is a reminder of a time when they got a little out of control, which is bound to happen when you’re carrying powerful weapons like those.

So, here’s the deal. Had it been something malign, early detection would have been key. So, what I’m trying to tell you all is this: ladies, feel yourselves up. The best way to notice if something isn’t kosher with your fun bags is familiarizing yourself with how they normally look and feel. A great way to do this is in the shower. Get some soap on your lovelies and rub your hands all over them. The soap will help your hands glide easier. A lot of us have fibrous breasts, which means we will have little bumps knots. The key thing is to feel them often so we notice any change in them. There are a lot of great charities out there related to breast health; Planned Parenthood, Susan G. Komen, Bright Pink, they all work in different ways to keep you and your girls happy and healthy. Look them up. Or find others. But above all, PLEASE, feel yourselves up. Cop a feel. Fondle those fun bags. Be good to them. I wish every woman in the world would touch herself this way. It is vital. It could really save your life.

Mourning Those Who Still Live

5 Oct

I started writing this happy, hopeful post about the things that are coming up ahead in my life and ended up writing about something bad that’s happened lately. I hadn’t realized how much those things had hurt me, and how I needed to acknowledge the pain in order to move from it. My face is currently swollen from crying and my head feels like it might crack open. I had to clean mascara streaks off my face and neck, and wipe my nose of the stuff that was threatening to go everywhere. Words matter. I love and respect them. Here I vow to use them for good, to heal and love, never to hurt or hate. Toxicity shouldn’t be allowed into your life. Don’t give in to it.


This is what I wrote:


Lately there’s been a lot of things happening, a lot of pain coming to us from our extended family. The betrayals hurt, but it helps that it happened now and not further down the road. But they still hurt. The same person I spent the night before Christmas taking care of at the hospital is the same person who wished ill upon my sister and intentionally broke my mother’s heart. I wish I could say that I regret having spent so much time with those people, taking care of someone who needed help pulling their pants and underwear up post surgery, but I don’t. I loved them dearly and intensely. When all of it happened I felt shocked and appalled. I shut them out of my heart and refused to feed into the negativity and hatefulness. But right now, talking about it, it hurts so much. Not just the pain I’ve felt for my mother’s heart, but for my own as well. These were people I grew up loving. These were people whose birthdays I remembered and threw surprise parties for. I lost among them my second mother, a woman who I grew up hugging and kissing and whose smell I still remember. And right now I’m crying over losing her for the first time. But some things you can’t take back. I’m glad the last time I was alone with her I gave her a CD I had burned for her because I thought she’d like it when I first heard it. I hope she hears it and thinks of me and all the love she once had for me. I hope she eventually realizes how much she’s hurt and wronged us. But I know she won’t.


This is one of my favorite quotes, and it’s helped me through this:


Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr

Love, love will keep us together...

Love, love will keep us together…

Fall TV Spoiler Spectacular: Exclusive Scoop and Photos on 45 Returning Favorites!

3 Sep

Originally posted on TVLine:

A summer of spoilers, weeks of promos and many a night spent obsessively re-watching old episodes…. It has all come down to this, TVLiners: The fall TV season is finally upon us.

To celebrate the most wonderful time of the year, we’ve compiled a comprehensive rundown on 45 returning favorites — from The Vampire Diaries to Scandal, from NCISto Sons of Anarchy — packed with exclusive scoop and photos you won’t find anywhere else.

RELATED | Fall TV Grid: What’s on When? And Versus What?

Which rock-solid marriage will show signs of wear and tear? Who will do something terrible — and live to regret it? Which gory drama is about to get romantic? And who spent the summer in a catatonic state?!

RELATED |Fall TV: Your Handy Calendar of 100+ Season and Series Premiere Dates

TVLine’s Returning Favorites gallery has answers to those questions and more, plus…

View original 24 more words

Rocks-Off Luv Wand: One Of My Favorites!

29 Aug


Just shut up and take my money.

Originally posted on Mellody Love:

Luv Wand

This thing is powerful!

I was originally exposed to this toy at my first sex toy party. We passed the wand around at the party so that we could feel the texture and potency of the vibrations on the back of our hands. This thing is powerful (insert drool comment here)!

At first, I was a bit turned off by the price, but because I wanted it so bad, I shopped around, found a discount, and scooped it up! It’s been a dream with me and the husband since!

View original 158 more words

Ode to the Condom

28 Aug

The first time I ever saw a condom was when my mother showed it to me. My dad was in the Army, and whenever they traveled to other countries they were given prophylactics. Since my dad didn’t need them, he came back with them. My father had gotten a vasectomy right after my sister was born (I remember being 3 years old and seeing my dad with an ice pack on his tenders), so they basically just wasted away. I don’t remember the conversation we were having, but my mom asked me if I’d ever seen one. I told her I hadn’t, so she took me to her room and took out one of my dad’s perfume bottles. It had a large round cap, so my mother put the condom on the bottle. She showed me how to put it on leaving the reservoir on the tip, and how to roll it down the shaft. I was probably around 11 when this happened. I didn’t feel embarrassed or weirded out because my mother had treated it as the most normal thing in the world. As you can probably tell, my mother’s attitude towards sex may not have been the same one most girls I knew had growing up. She studied psychology and instilled in us a view of sexuality as something that was as much a part of human nature as eating or sleeping was. She always re-enforced the importance of safe sex. By the time I eventually had sex, I’d spent years reading up on it. I had safe sex, always. Condoms were always there for me, and it was the most normal thing in the world.

At 19 years old I’d been single in over a year and I wasn’t having sex. I wasn’t thinking about condoms at all until one day my sister told me she’d had unprotected sex. I wanted to smack her. She said the boy picked her up, took her to his grandma’s house, and then proceeded to tell her he didn’t have any protection, but they had sex anyway. I was livid. Had we been raised by the same woman? I told her she could never do that again and that since she was sexually active, she should always have protection. She looked embarrassed so I asked her if she wanted me to buy them for her. She said yes, relieved. So I went to the pharmacy and bought condoms for the first time in my life. The fact that I ran into my highly religious high school English teacher in the check-out line isn’t relevant to this story, but I just really enjoy that detail. Since that day I kept a pack in one of my bed stands, but never really needed it. It wasn’t until years later that I started having sex more often that I realized I never wanted to be without one. I went to the store and bought about two packs, and put condoms in each of my purses, that way, no matter which one I was wearing, I was packing. I realized that if you’re a responsible adult who is in charge of your sexuality, there is always a possibility you’ll have sex. You never know where the night will lead you, no matter how inconspicuously the day starts, you could still find yourself knee deep in penis in a matter of hours. Okay, that’s obviously a hyperbole, but the thing is, you just don’t know!

At one point in 2007 the awesome movie Knocked Up came out. I was already a big fan of Judd Apatow, and this movie was getting great reviews, so I bought it without having seen it. I loved it. It revolves around a two people who have a one night stand and when he doesn’t put on his condom before having sex with her it results in a pregnancy, as it usually happens. When she meets him months later to tell her she’s pregnant, he gets angry at her, saying he was drunk and she should have known he wasn’t wearing a condom because of how it felt. Wait, what? Sex without a condom feels different? I’d never had it, so I didn’t know my vagina was so sensitive that upon penetration it would detect whether the penis was covered in extremely thin latex or just going au naturale (I originally wrote “whether or not the sausage was in its casing” but decided against it because of me being an “adult”). So far sex had felt wonderful and I couldn’t imagine it being any different going bareback.



Someone very close to me is in an unplanned pregnancy. They never bothered using protection because she was irregular. They were very surprised when after going for a routine gynecologic check-up led to the reveal of her being pregnant. Why the surprise? Don’t people process this is what happens when you don’t protect yourself against pregnancies and STDs? She’s lucky all she got was a kid, specially since she’s a repeat offender in the unprotected sex division. She can’t work because her pregnancy is high risk. After being in a house less than a month they’ll have to move out because they can’t afford rent on his minimum wage. And that baby is going to be so extremely expensive, as all babies are. But a pack of condoms that costs a couple of dollars? Nah, not worth it.

Right now I haven’t used a condom during sex in over a year. I’ve been in a relationship for over 9 months. Due to the fact that we were long distance from the beginning we knew beforehand we weren’t going to be having a one night stand, or having sex after the third date. When we finally got together we spent over a week doing everything together; eating, sleeping, driving around North Carolina. We skipped Couples 101 and went to the advanced course, and along with it, birth control. I started using NuvaRing before I left the island to see him. I knew he wasn’t a fan of condoms but was willing to use them for me. Ironically, what triggered me deciding to get on hormonal birth control was the fact that I have thirty-something day cycles and would have been menstruating my whole week there. I wasn’t about to let Mother Nature ruin my week with what was potentially my future boyfriend, so I took charge and put a ring on it. When we finally got together it was wonderful. It was the best sexual experience of my life, but it was all about the intimacy and how we felt, and nothing to do with the fact that he wasn’t wearing a condom. To tell you the truth, I didn’t really feel a difference. He was what made it amazing.

So, condom, I’m sorry we broke up. It’s not you, it’s me. You kept my vagina healthy and my uterus empty for many wonderful years and I am eternally grateful to you for it. You were cheap (not in a bad way!) and effective, and you will continue making boys and girls happy all around the world. And, in case I never said it before, I loved you since the day I first laid eyes on you.

About a year ago my sister was working at a pharmacy and she saw that Durex was coming out with cute little boxes to keep your condoms in your purse without risking them getting damaged. She saw them and remarked that they were cool and that she wanted them, which made the women she worked with tease her about it. She confidently responded that women should take charge of their sexual health and shouldn’t depend on them to be the ones to carry the protection. She told me everyone agreed and looked at her with respect. And I couldn’t have been prouder.

P.S. While looking for a link to the Durex Love Box I found Cosmo had done an article of cute ways to store your condoms. So, if you’re interested in something good looking to keep them from flopping around your seemingly bottomless purse (my sister says mine belonged to Mary Poppins), click here!

Have fun and stay safe!

Aside 27 Aug

Hey there. I miss talking to you. I know most of it is because of how busy you are, but I know another part of it, a big one, is that you chose to distance yourself from me. It wasn’t hard. I mean, there was already a physical distance. We’re on different time zones, even. And there was always an intense attraction between us. You figured it would make no sense to even try when we had so much obstacles, so we didn’t. And then I fell in love. And I heard from you even less. And it’s weird. Today I was cooking and I had Ella Fitzgerald playing. I had this image of you coming up from behind me and telling me “That is some sexy music, López” while I chopped onions. It’s ironic because I was cooking everything you try to stay away from; carb-loaded pasta, bacon, heavy cream, dark meat chicken. Also, it was weird because I’m happy. But I think of you sometimes, wondering where you are and what you’re doing. Now I’m not gonna call you or text you saying “hey, I just imagined us together” because there is no way one can do that without it sounding like “I want to be with you”. So I’ll just keep it to myself and write something that I’ll never send you and hope I get to hear from you soon. Take care, cowboy.

Art Imitates Life

22 Aug

Disclaimer: This post includes plot details from the movie Like Crazy. Enjoy.

A couple of days ago I was reading a Refinery29 article about Netflix hidden gems. I felt proud of myself for having watched some of them and having had several others already on my queue. The funny thing was when I got to the suggestion of “Ira & Abby”, one of the first movies I added (I admit I joined Neflix very late in the game, as in this summer). It stars Chris Messina (already a winner) and Jennifer Westfeldt, who also wrote the movie. Now, Jennifer Westfeldt is a smart writer, and happened to have made one of my favorite movies of the past couple of years, Friends With Kids. If you haven’t seen that movie, go do it as soon as you finish reading this because it’s perfect. The poster and synopsis for “Ira & Abby” reads like a generic romantic comedy, but being by Westfeldt I knew it would be smartly written one. Apparently, that was also the impression Tara Rasmus, the assistant beauty editor got. I’ll let her explain it.

“I think my husband and I are both still scarred from the time we watched Ira & Abby, which seemed to be a smart, NYC-centric flick in the Neflix rom-com section (it’s written by Jennifer Westfeldt, which is awesome). Instead of a breakup-fall-back-in-love story, it ended up being an extremely painful realistic tale of how marriages can go sour. Needless to say, it made both of us really stressed out, and we almost didn’t make it through the entire movie. That being said, it was also kind of awesome (girl-writer-power!), and I think everyone should see it. But only once. Now it’s an inside joke whenever we’re trolling the internet for a movie. ‘Remember Ira & Abby, and how it made us feel too many feelings?'”

Now, I realized two things from this entry. One: Jennifer Westfeldt really likes misdirection. Anyone who sees the trailer for Friends With Kids and has seen the movie knows that while it presents itself as a straight up comedy, there is a lot more to it than that. Two: I think we’ve all been in a situation where a movie brings up things we’d rather not think about. In mid 2011 I saw a trailer for a movie called Like Crazy which looked amazing. Anton Yelchin, Felicity Jones, Jennifer Lawrence… it looked amazing. When it came out in early October critics said it captured perfectly what it was like to be that in love, where you felt like it consumed you, and praised it universally. I’d never really been in a situation where I was in love and it was reciprocated, so I’d watch it as an observant. It never came to theaters here (downside of living in a smallish island), so I bought it when it came out on DVD, in March. I often buy movies but don’t watch them until I’m in the right mood to do it. So Like Crazy went unwatched for a while. The movie features the crumbling of a relationship when distance and absence take its toll on people. A couple of months went by and something unexpected happened; I developed a long distance relationship. And I fell in love. Big time. And the movie I had been looking forward to watching before was now a ticking time bomb on my shelf. Or at least that’s how I saw it.

I remember at one point I posted on Facebook how I wanted to see the movie but couldn’t bring myself to do it, along with the link to the trailer. The responses it got were intense. People talked about sobbing and being heartbroken by it. One girl was living away from home and decided to watch it upon me posting it, then later posted again how it was a huge mistake that left her devastated. Holy crap! This movie was basically giving my friend list PTSD just by being mentioned! Needless to say, I kept it in my shelf. Months passed, and my wonderful boyfriend left for almost a year on a Marine Expeditionary Unit. As I write this, it’s been over 6 months since we’ve seen each other and we have about 3 more to go. And about two months ago I saw the movie. I remember watching it and feeling relief because the relationship was not like ours. While away, their interactions were awkward and forced. Ours are always giddy and natural. Almost every day I wake up to find a message from him in my email inbox and every single time my heart jumps a little. I’m in love and I can’t help it. So I kept watching the movie, already feeling better about myself and my relationship because my boyfriend and I weren’t like the main characters. At one point the characters break up and start seeing other people. Jacob (Yelchin) starts seeing Sam, played by everybody’s girlfriend Jennifer Lawrence. Sam is sweet, fun, and has an easygoing relationship with Jacob. At one point, out of the blue, Anna (Jones) calls Jacob and asks him to marry her. And I was watching it calmly when all of a sudden I went HOLD THE FUCK UP. See, before my boyfriend went back to North Carolina he met up with his ex girlfriend. They’d talked about getting married when they were together, but ultimately she realized she couldn’t do long distance and didn’t want to move to NC because she wanted to go to New York and find herself in the city while she pursued writing. About two months after my boyfriend had been on the ship he emailed me that he didn’t tell me anything because it had happened on the second-to-last day he was on the island and didn’t wanna ruin our last memories together, but that his ex had asked him that when he got back from deployment he MARRY HER. Say what now? My first instinct was jealousy. I mean, sure, the email also stated that he turned her down and that it wasn’t going to happen, but at some point he wanted that. My second feeling was pure, unadulterated rage. THAT BITCH. She knows I’m dating him. She had her chance. It was specially adorable that at some point during that conversation he invited my boyfriend to go to a festival so he could meet up with her mom, and mentioned I could come along too. Don’t know if that was before or after she proposed to him, but it was a nice touch. Bring the girl I want to get rid of to this beautiful reunion where she’ll feel completely uncomfortable and out of place. I didn’t get mad at my boyfriend because he was right. If I’d known about the proposal beforehand, the night would’ve been sem-ruined, and my memories of it would have been tainted. The reason I’m mentioning this is at that moment I went “wait… what if I’m the Sam character in the equation, not Anna?”.

I’d like to tell you I became paranoid and freaked out, but I didn’t. Truth is, while I don’t trust that chick (seriously, posting on his wall, asking him where he is? there’s an inbox for that), While it would probably make for a more riveting story about how I overcame my relationship insecurities, the truth is I trust my guy. He tells me he’s crazy about me every single chance he gets and demonstrates it. A lot of people ask me if I don’t worry about him being faithful, or tell me that I impress them because they would never do that. Some people ask me out of genuine curiosity, some being spiteful (trying to make me doubt my man isn’t gonna make me come running to your penis, fella). The thing is, if I didn’t trust him, I wouldn’t be doing this because a relationship without trust isn’t one worth having. The movie didn’t have a happy ending, but it didn’t matter. We can have one.

However, if you still want a story about how a movie can make you feel too many feelings I’ll tell you about the time my high school boyfriend and I watched Million Dollar Baby. I picked it out thinking it was a boxing movie. Like Rocky, I told myself. It was a very silent car ride home.

Screen Shot 2013-08-22 at 5.35.23 PM

I even tweeted about it.

I even tweeted about it.


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