Change will do you good

28 Sep

t’s funny how saying something out loud can terrify you. And few things can be as scary as change. I’ve never really embraced change. My hair is always curly, my shoes are always flats, my nights are always spent home. Growing up in a small island is the only life I’ve ever known. Families here are very close knit, it’s pretty much the norm for single people to live with their parents until they marry. I’ve always felt like I wanted more out of life, big things, probably more things that my current location could offer, but too scared to do anything about it. I’ve never spent more than 5 nights away from my family at a time, and I remember very clearly missing them at those moments. I’m 23 years old and I’ve done nothing. I haven’t gone to school in over a year and I’ve been unemployed for 6 months. The last time I went on a date with someone that I was interested in was in March 2009, and the only person I’ve ever truly imagined myself having something real with I haven’t seen since May 2007, in our only date. I’m stuck in a life I never thought I’d have.

Most people leave home the minute they graduate high school, picking a university as far away as possible, longing for freedom and independence. The thought of not kissing my parents goodnight every night can send me to tears instantly. But that’s not the person I want to be. Herein lies the problem. I fell in love with New York City. I’d always wanted to see it, and fantasized about living there. Once I was there, I never wanted to leave. I wanted to be a New Yorker, to walk to school and home, to live in a place where every country in the world was represented, and I’d experience cultures I’d never know about in my sheltered home life. So, I’ve been thinking seriously about going to the New York School of Interior Design. I decided to apply. Then the moment I told my mother, I felt scared to death. But maybe that’s a sign that I do need to do it. I can’t be away from my family for a year? And I’d see them in the holidays, so it’d only be a couple of months at a time. Maybe I need to be on my own. Maybe I need to believe in myself more and take a leap, and know that I’m strong enough to land on my feet.

In what may soon become my new home 🙂

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