It’s been a while since I actually sat down on my laptop and blogged, hasn’t it? Almost a year. I should be waxing poetic right now about my mom and how amazing she is. And she is, don’t get me wrong. My mom is all sorts of awesome. But right now, my thoughts are somewhere else. I would like to take this opportunity to thank life, fate or whoever is up there enjoying this, for letting me know what I want, and that it’s extremely hard do reach. It’s like letting a kid know that cookies exist, letting the smell come to him, but also showing him that they’re on the tallest shelf in the kitchen; he can’t get to them without a big possibility of getting hurt. So thank you, whoever is responsible, for letting me join an online dating site and find that the most wonderful matches are all plane rides away. You would think given my past history of disastrous attempts at long distance dating that I would stay the hell away from it.
But nooo. Not me. It always goes down the same way: we get involved, I think to myself maybe this time it’ll be different, and the result is always, always the same; they fall for someone close to them. With the exception of one guy, they always forget to tell me they’re seeing someone until it’s so damn obvious I have to ask them up front about it and they fess up. I even told one of my friends (and one of said men who tried to win my heart while being on a different land mass) that one would think that after what I went through with him I wouldn’t even go near anyone who wasn’t within driving distance from me, but I was doing it again. And there I was today, my heart feeling heavier than it had in ages, but still looking for a dress to wear in case I had the chance to have a date. And part of me wants to bear my soul completely here, but I just found out someone read this. So, I’ll hold back while I can. After all, I’m already painfully honest with him. I’m sure there’s things I hold back, though. Like how he’s the first thing I think of when I get up and wonder how waking up with him would be. Or that as much of a modern woman that I know I am, I would give anything to be able to take care of him when he’s sick. Yeah, I’ll keep that to myself.