Strange

22 Jul

I get in the shower. It’s late night. Today was my 7 year high school reunion but all of my friends are out of the country. No use going alone. I’m washing up. I soap up my breasts. My hands run easily over them. It’s slippery. I feel it. A lump. It’s big. It wasn’t there before. All the air is sucked out of the room. I can’t breathe. I try to continue my shower calmly but find myself turning off the water the moment my skin is rinsed. I walk to my room, put my dirty clothes in the hamper and head to my parents’ room in my towel. I walk in. I don’t close the door. I go up to my mother. I tell her “I found a lump in my breast”. She gets up and goes to her bathroom with me. She feels it. She asks if maybe it was a result of a guy handling me roughly, I tell her no. I start to cry. She hugs me. She tells me not to panic and that we’ll go to the doctor first thing Monday morning. Tomorrow is Sunday. It will be torture. I tell her “I’m too young for this shit”. I go to my room. I cry. It all happened about 20 minutes ago. I don’t know who to talk to. I don’t know how to talk to someone without that being the only words I utter. I’m so fucking scared. I’m 25. I really am too young for this shit.

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